Interview with a plumber
by Jesness
Summary: Stupidity is large when Jes (Me) Inteviews various people from the Mariovurse, and learns some very weird things about a few of our favorite video game heroes. Read, review, and always fick'em after you pick'em!
1. Interview with a Plumber

****

Disclaimer: If you think that I came up with the Mario Bros. I'm sorry

But... you are an idiot. They belong to _Nintendo_!! Sheesh!! Where have you 

Been for the last ...Oh I don't know ... _Twenty years_!! : Exasperated sigh: 

Man some people are so dense. You know who Sonic belongs to right?

Notes: This was my very first story. I wrote it some time in October. I found it on a disk in January and decided to add new content and another chapter so enjoy interview with a plumber for a second time.

__

Jes :)

~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~ ~

Interview with a plumber

Jes: [Sigh] If I don't come up with an idea for a fic soon FF.net is going to close my account and send an E-mail bomb to my computer. [Sigh] And where is that plumber?

I'm sick of running to the gas station across the street every time I have to go to the bathroom. _And why am I talking to myself_?! [Starts banging her head on table]

[There is a knock at the door]

[Stops banging her head] 

Jes: Who is it?

???: Plumber!

Jes: [mumbling to self] bout time.

Jes: The door's open let your self in! [Door creaks open] [Jes resumes her head banging]

Plumber: That's a good way to give yourself brain damage.

Jes: What do you know? The bathrooms that way [she points in the general direction] 

Plumber: What's the problem?

Jes: [Stops banging but her head remains on the table] Writers block... and E-mail bombs...head sore from banging...

Plumber: Uh...?

Jes: Oh.... You meant in the bathroom. The toilets backed up [Jes looks up to see the plumber for the first time]

Jes: [Gasp] its you... 

Plumber: Well I hope so I'd hate to be somebody else.

Jes: No I mean its you that guy from the video games! This solves all my problems I'll interview you and put that on the web sight!

Luigi: I don't do interviews. (Betch'a thought it was that other guy didn't you : snicker :)

Jes: But...[Lip quivers] Whaaaaaahhhhh aaaaaaaaahhhhhh!!

Luigi: Hey, now stop that!

Jes: Whaaaaaahhhhh I [sob] caaaaaannnnnt! 

Luigi: Ok, ok, [Sigh] I'll let you interview me.

Jes: Whaaa... [Sniffle] you will?

Luigi: Yes, just stop crying, I can't stand to see girls cry.

Jes: [Immediately stops crying] O.k. I'm done now. Come over here and sit down and we will get started. 

Luigi:[Luigi stares at Jes] Why do I get the feeling I've been tricked?

[Luigi takes a seat across the table from Jes]

Jes: O.k. I'll bet you get asked this question a lot, how does it feel to stand in your brother's shadow? 

Luigi: It's great! [Jes stares at Luigi from across the table in shock and disbelief of his answer] 

Luigi: Yeah I'll bet you weren't ready for that one. And actually you were the first person who was ever _rude enough _to ask that question.

Jes: [Finally comes out of her stupor] Uh... sorry 

Luigi: It's o.k. It was a question that needed to be asked.

Jes: could you explain your answer?

Luigi: Sure, you see videogames are kind of like movies in the way that you get paid no matter how small your part is.

Jes: So you get a smaller check for a smaller part.

Luigi: Nope it doesn't work that way in videogames it's little different. Main characters, IE: me and Mario and a couple others, get paid a set amount no matter how big or small your part is. In short whether or not you're a playable character you still get paid the same amount.

Jes: So you and Mario get paid the same? 

Luigi: Yup, in Paper Mario all I did was sit around the house playing Gameboy while Mario busted his hump saving Star Spirits and I still got paid the same as him.

Jes: Wow!

Luigi: But you know what? I'm not really in Mario's shadow I have quite a few fans out there, so many in fact that Nintendo had to give me my own game 

Jes: "Luigi's Mansion".

Luigi: Yeah! Man you should see how much money I got for that one.

That check had more zeros than "Sonic Team" **(The production team for most Sonic games)**

Jes: Ouch! Speaking of Sonic what do you think about "Sonic Adventure2 Battle" on Gamecube?

Luigi: That little blue fuzz ball? I never liked him, he and his little sidekick used to ring my door bell and run away, leave flaming piles of dog doo on my porch...[Muttering] little hooligans. He wreaks his own company now he's trying to take down Nintendo too! 

Jes: I seem to remember another Luigi game...Um...Mario something or other. 

Luigi: Mario's Missing? [Luigi smiles] I'm glad you liked that ga-

Jes: Yeah that's it! Mario's Missing. Man that game sucked! I mean that was the most awful, retarded, stupid, takes-no-brain-to-play game that Nintendo _EVER _made. My Super Nintendo rejected that game ya know? Spit it right out, it was the derndest thing I ever saw! And the title...my god, talk about a slap in the face, your name wasn't even on the game box! And--[Jes looks across the table. Luigi has his head down and his hands in his lap. He looks like he's goanna cry.]

Jes: And...When my...uh... friend said that stuff about that game I beat her up for mocking such a fine piece of video game software. 

Luigi: [can't even pick his head up he's so embarrassed] My name wasn't even in the title but I'm always the one that gets yelled at for that flop of a game. 

Jes: No really, I loved that game. [Puts a reassuring hand on Luigi's shoulder] 

Luigi: Really? [Looks up hopefully] 

Jes: Oh yes! The hours I spent playing that game...[Lies all lies]

Luigi: What was your favorite level? 

Jes:......................................................The first one? [Luigi looks doubtful] Well enough about the games. What kind of relationship do you have with your brother Mario?

Luigi: What can I say he's my brother he does brother things, holds me down and takes my plumbing money, beats me up and such, you know stuff that all brothers do. 

[Jes stares at Luigi] 

Luigi: What, why are you looking at me like that?

Jes: Well it doesn't sound like Mario likes you very much...

Luigi: What do you mean? Were thick as thieve, all brother's do stuff like that! Don't you have any brothers or sisters that pick on you a little? 

Jes: When we were kids yeah, my brother picked on me but not after we grew up.

Luigi: ...Hey! The next time I see Mario I'm goanna kick his ass! Stupid fat moron...

Jes: Hey, hey settle down now I didn't mean to start nothing...

Luigi: Are we done yet? Can I go now?

Jes: What about my toilet? [Luigi gets up and walks to the bathroom with Jes right behind him]

[In the bathroom Luigi inspects the toilet with, some clean but stagnant, water in it]

Luigi: I see the problem [Luigi jiggles the handle on the toilet and the water goes down]

Luigi: that will be $75.50

Jes: What?! But all you did was jiggle the handle a little bit I could have done that

Luigi: Don't be ridiculous I'm a trained professional 

Jes: Here [hands Luigi $75.50 and Luigi leaves] There goes my copy of Super Monkey ball.

Jes: Well at least I have a fic, now I don't have to worry about anybody blowing up my computer.

Computer: You've got mail 

Jes: GULP

The End (Aren't you glad)

__


	2. Interview with a Princess

Interview with a Princess

[Jes is walking through the forest admiring nature in all its glory]

Jes: Ahh the great outdoors! [Inhales deeply] Smell that air, so clean, so pure...Nope you don't get air like this in the city! [Sigh] Everything's so ... so natural! I just love it! Now I can focus on an idea for my next fan fic. Who wouldn't be inspired while surrounded by all of God's beautiful creations? Yup, breathtaking every one of them from the highest cloud to the lowly ant... 

[Jes leans against a tree. A centipede falls out and lands on her shoulder.]

Jes: _Ahhh_!_ A bug_! _Get it off, get it off, get it off_! [Runs around screaming like a lunatic, flailing her arms until she runs face first into a tree and fall down unconscious]

Peach: Are you ok?

[Jes starts to come too]

Jes: Huh? Wha?

Peach: I said are you ok?

Jes: Yea...yeah I'm fine [Gets up and realizes who she's talking to]

Jes: Oh my gosh! You're Princess Peach Toadstool! What are you doing here?

Peach: I live here! What's your excuse? 

Jes: You live in a forest?

Peach: Look around you dolt does it like we're in a forest?

Jes: [looks around and sees a huge castle behind her] Man how long have I been out? I swear those mini malls go up faster every day!

Peach: That's my home!

Jes: You live in a mini mall?

Peach: [throws her hands up in disgust] I've had enough of this stupid conversation...[starts to leave]

Jes: Wait, wait, princess I have a question! [Peach stops]

Peach: What do you want? And make it quick!

Jes: Can I interview you?

Peach: Interview? I don't think so.

Jes: Oh Please, oh please, oh please.... [Continues the "Oh Please" bit for a half an hour till Peach gives in] (I'm real annoying like that :)

Peach: OK! But if I do this do you promise to _leave?_

Jes: Yeah

Peach: Ok what do you want to know?

Jes: [takes out a little notebook and pen] The world wants to know, who do you like better Mario or Luigi?

Peach: Neither 

Jes: What?! You don't like either of them? Then who do you like?

Peach: [Blush] I can't 

Jes: Aw come on you can tell me. Just between us girls. [And everyone reading this] 

Peach: [Blush, blush] I like...I like...WALUIGI! There I said it! 

Jes: [Mouthing "Waluigi?"] Waluigi? Why?

Peach: [Blush, blush, blush] He so handsome and mysterious, I didn't even know Wario _had_ a brother until I met him at the tennis tournament a while back. But he doesn't know I like him. I'm too shy to tell him. 

Jes: So you don't like Mario or Luigi? 

Peach: No, not really...They're actually quite annoying.

Jes: How so? 

Peach: Well for one thing they never come over to do anything but eat, or play tennis or ride on my personal go-kart track! I swear they think they live there! And when they use the bathroom _they never put the seat down_!! You know sometimes I think if I weren't a princess they wouldn't even be my friends! [Peach is fuming and breathing hard from her little outburst]

Jes: Wow, you seem to have a lot of pent up rage there...

Peach: Rage I have no rage. I'm Princess Peach Toadstool sweet kind and loving 24/7 365 days a year. Never a foul thought enters my mind. [Eye starts to twitch] 

Peach: [Muttering] Always sweet, sweet like sugar and spice and everything nice...

Jes: ......Princess?

Peach: [Still muttering] Sweet little Peach can't do anything wrong...it's un-lady like they'll all say...

Jes........ Peach? 

Peach: [Mutter "Fudger"] Lets see how lady like I'm when they find that bod--

Jes: [Puts a hand on Peach's shoulder to get her attention] Princess Peach...are you ok? 

Peach: [Smiles sweetly] Yes of course, thank you for asking though. 

Jes: o_O........... Moving on...So how do you feel about being one of the only two female playable characters in Super Smash Bros. Melee? 

Peach: I am very proud to represent all the "Gamegirls" out there who love video games but are normally forced to play with a Male character. Being a girl yourself you must like to use me when playing SSBM right? 

Jes: Weeeell actually...I like Kirby! Man has that creampuff got some moves and his taunt is soooooooo cute [Imitates Kirby's voice from SSBM] HIIIIIIIII! 

Peach: But...But you're a girl you're supposed to want to use a female character!

Jes: What century are you living in? Girls can do whatever they want including playing video games with the male characters. After the Kirbster Mario's my main man. 

Peach: [twitch comes back Jes looks fearful] So you don't use the female characters?

Jes:.... I'm kidding with ya, heh, heh I always use you to whip up on those evil male players, using you. 

Peach: [Sweetly] Really? Oh how wonderful us girls gotta stick together!

Jes:...Yeeeeeeaaaaaaaah riiiiiiiiiiiiight, stick together [nervous chuckle] One more question and then I'll let'cha go

Peach: Ok shoot.

Jes: Do you have any aspirin? My head is killing me...

Peach: _What?! Are you implying that I'm on drugs_? 

Jes: Wha...no I was just ask--

Peach: _Of all the nerve! Are you saying I'm some kind of unstable freak that has to pop pills just to function without killing someone?!_

Jes: No, I'm just sayin'.... [Thinking] did she just say kill someone? I'm outta here.

Peach: [Still ranting]..._And I'm a princess and I deserve respect_! _GUARDS_!

[Some guards come out of the castle and grab Jes by her arms]

Jes: What are you going to do to me? 

Peach: [Addressing guards] Get rid off her!

Jes: _WHAT?! No wait can't we talk about this? _

[Guards drag Jes over to a nearby Warp pipe and toss her in] 

Jes: Oooh, My head what happened 

Jes's mom: Just stay still you took a really nasty fall and bumped you head. And it wouldn't have happened if you 'd have listened to your mother!

Jes: What could you have said that has any relevance to my situation?

Jes's mom: Maybe if you had listened to me you wouldn't have bumped your head and you'd remember what I said.

Jes: I'm to messed up to try and understand what that means right now I have an interview to upload. 

End (Shoo away with ya show...err...fics over)

****

I got one more for you guys to suffer through Ha, ha, ha.... ~_Jes _:}

There were a lot of grammar errors I know; but I'm so Laaaaazzy...

Send me your Reviews or your Flames but to you flamers: I'm all outta cookies sorry :( 


	3. Interview with a Doctor

This interview is dedicated to Miles, from whom I caught a very bad case of writers' block. According to Miles it's contagious, I believe him. 

Interview with a Doctor. 

[Jes sits in the waiting room of Cook County Hospital]

Jes: Stupid writers' block I can't think of a single thing to write. The other authors on FF.net are going to lynch me for going soooooooo many weeks without updating any of my stories. I sure hope this doctor can cure me. What was his name again? 

Waiting room attendant: Jes, the doctor will see you now

[Jes gets up from her chair and walks in to examining room 1 and shuts the door behind her] 

Jes: Doctor, please you gotta help me! I have the most awful case of writers' block.

Doctor: (Like you don't know who it is already) [In Italian accent] Hmmm. that's two bad what do want me to do about it?

Jes: What do you mean [Imitating doctors Italian accent] What do you want me to do about it? I'll tell you what I want doctor...doctor [looks at the doctor's name badge] Doctor Mario?! I'M CURED!! 

DM: Wow, I'm a better doctor than I thought that'll be $136.67 you can pay on the way out.

Jes: I'm not paying you anything you didn't cure me, I cured me. My writers' block is gone! If you let me interview you then I can update that gawd awful "Interview with a plumber" fic. And that will keep all of FF.net from hunting me down and killing me in the night...well at least it will buy me some time to update one of my real stories any way. 

DM: One, if you write as much as you talk... Writing a chapter to a story shouldn't be that hard. And two, I don't do interviews. (Why do they always need convincing?)

Jes: [Thinking] They always wanna do it the hard way.

[Jes walks over to the door and opens then starts screaming]

Jes: _Ahhhhhhhhhhhhhhh, what was in those eye drops_?! _I'm blind, for the love of humanity I'm blind_! [Starts sobbing loud enough for everyone in the waiting room to hear] 

DM: _What are you doing_?! Stop that, I didn't do anything to you!

[The waiting room attendant and a few curious patients come to the door to see what's going on.] 

Jes: I'm so blind, blind as a bat, bind as a ball too. _MALPRACTICE, MALPRACTICE_!! 

DM: _Malpractice_?! _Don't say that_!!

[All eyes are on Jes] 

DM: Eh, heh, heh.... She's just kidding.... Really [Puts a hand over Jes's mouth and muffled screaming is heard. Closes the door, Jes is still screaming] Please I'll do anything if you stop yelling! [Takes hand off of mouth]

Jes: [Stops yelling] Ok lets get this interview started. 

DM: [Sigh] What do you want to know.

Jes: Have you ever treated any interesting patients?

DM: Interesting? That's just a polite way of saying weird; but yeah I've had lots of "_Interesting" _people in here

Jes: Such as? 

DM: I've treated Peach Toadstool before. And then there's Captain Falcon, this nice young boy named Link...and...

Jes: wait a minute...Did you say Peach? 

DM: Yeah

Jes: Uh huh...Just out of curiosity what did you treat her for?

DM: I'm sorry that would brake my doctor/patient confidentiality.

Jes: Please, I promise I won't tell another living soul. [Liar, liar pants on fire] 

DM: Weeeeeeeeell okaaaaay, but this doesn't go any further than this room deal?

Jes: [Thinking] You have my word! [Out loud] I'm goanna tell everybody 

[Doctor Mario cocks an eyebrow]

DM: Tell everybody what? [Folds arms and starts tapping foot]

Jes: [Thinking] did I say that out loud? [Nervous chuckle] ...Tell everybody that you wouldn't break your doctor/ patient confidentewhatever 

DM: [Looks doubtful] Well if you must know...She has a slight mental problem...

Jes: **-_-! **Figures...

DM: She thinks she's a princess 

Jes: She's not a princess?

DM: Good lord no, she works at the Mc. Donald's over on 63rd

Jes: Mental problem...that explains so much. So what do you treat Link for? 

DM: Well Link isn't really one of my regular patients, I only treat him when his pediatrician is out of town; I treat him for the kind of injuries that all small boys get. A scraped knee, here a bruise there, sever concussion and 3rd degree burns among other things. And if he doesn't cry he gets nice big lollypop when we're finished. 

Jes: [Gag] Aw how sweet... So do you ever take care of anybody _really _interesting?

DM: Hmmm...I'd have to say that would be my cousin Luigi...

Jes: I'm sorry did you say cousin? I thought he was your brother.

DM: No, he's my cousin, you're thinking of my other cousin Mario Mario more commonly known as Super Mario. Luigi is his little brother. 

Jes: The resemblance is amazing...

DM: So I've been told, when me and Cousin Mario go out together people mistake us for twins. Though I am far better looking than he is.

Jes: Far rounder too [Pokes Doctor Mario in the tummy] 

DM: [Laughs like the Pillsbury Doughboy] Stop that! [Slaps Jes's hand; doesn't hurt though and she thinks it's funny] 

Jes: [Grinning wide] Nothin' says lovin like somethin' from the oven.

DM: Oh, dry up! So he gets a little more exercise than I do that's all. When all you do all day is run, jump and fling giant turtles out of stained glass windows... naturally you're goanna be a little lighter on your feet.

Jes: Ok, ok, sorry I brought it up...So any way back to Luigi what do you treat him for?

(Note to Weegie fans brace yourself!)

DM: A slight bed wetting problem.

Jes: Eww...What causes this problem? 

DM: [Snicker] Cousin Mario putting Luigi's hand in a cup of warm water while he's sleeping. Luigi is convinced that he has over active bladder. [Snicker]

Jes: Wow that's really mean of Mario...Hey why do you treat Luigi if there's nothing wrong with him?

DM: [Nonchalantly] The money.

Jes: -_-! Naturally.

Jes: You said that you treat Captain Falcon, what's his problem?

DM: Well I set a lot of broken bones, he's always crashing that dang F-Zero racer, he's broken every bone in his body _twice_! But what I mainly treat him for is sever clinical depression.

Jes: Really? 

DM: Yeah the poor guy hasn't appeared in a game for like ten years, until recently with FZero X on Gameboy Advance. And Smash Bros. Though I heard a rumor that he's the announcer in Dance, Dance revolution. But I'm not sure about that one. Since he's recently gotten work I've cut his medication in half he's doing a lot better.

Jes: Speaking of not appearing in a game in ten years...have you enjoyed your latest success in video game software? Like "Doctor Mario 64" and your even more recent appearance as a hidden character in Super Smash Bros. Melee? 

DM: Yes it's very nice to be back in the games I hope to be in many more.

Jes: Are there any plans for a new, probably rehashed, Doctor Mario game?

DM: Well there is a rumor going around that there will be a Doctor Mario GBA game that connects to a Gamecube game using the GBA/GC connection cable 

Jes: O_O REALLY?! Where did you here this rumor from? (This has no bases in truth what so ever, I made it up.)

DM: I started it.

Jes: _ Doh! 

DM: Are we finished? [Looks at watch] This interview is cutting into my Lunch hour.

Jes: Yeah I guess, [Holds her head] 

DM: What's wrong?

Jes" The other day I ran into a tree and I've been having bad headaches ever since.

DM: [Pulls a bottle of pills out of his lab coat pocket and tosses it to Jes]

Jes: [Reads the label]Advil, for fast relief of minor aches and pains. 

DM: No charge. 

Jes: Thanks. 

DM: Your bill is $136.67 you can pay on the way out. 

Jes: But you said they were free?

DM: The pills, not the interview. 

Jes: [Faints]

DM: [Revives her with some awful smelling _something _in a bottle.] That'll be $ 236.67 you can pay on your way out. 

[Doctor Mario leaves Jes sitting in the floor looking stupefied as he goes on his lunch break.]

Jes: ...........Crap!

End 

****

What do you think guys, one more? Any suggestions? 


End file.
